Having chosen English as the preferred language in the European Economic Community, the European Parliament has commisioned a feasibility study into ways of improving efficiency in communications between government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through, and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies. The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staffed at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using "s" instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would reseive this news with joy. Then the hand "c" could be replased by "k" sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one letter fewer.
there would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was announsed that the troublesome "ph" would henseforth be written "f". This would make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kould be expekted to reatsh the stage where more komplikated tshanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters, whitsh have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "es" in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thez and kontinu to read and writ az though nothing has hapend. by this tim it would be four yearz sins the skem began, and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing "th" with "z." Perhaps zen ze funktion of "w" kould be taken on by "v," vitsh iz, after al, half of "w." Shortly after zis, ze unecesary "o" kould be dropd from words kontaining "ou." Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinationz of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuale hav a rele sensibl riten styl. After 20 yerz zer vud be no mor trublsm difikultiz, and evrivun vud find it eze tu understand etsh ozer. Ze dremz of Mr. Orvel vud finale hav kum tru.